Motley Crue Announces Plans To Break Up

But but but WHY?! This can’t happen WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?!

Today…March 8th, 2013, 80′s hair metal pioneers and some of my favorite freakin’ people in the whole entire world, Motley Crue…have announced their plans to disband.

Please, try to control your emotions.

It was speculated a while back that Crue was approaching the end of their days, when bassist Nikki Sixx said things like:

“It’s not that we hate each other or we don’t work together well. I think it’s just at some point we want to leave it with some sort of a legacy that’s leaving it in a good way. I just see some bands that keep f—ing beating a dead horse and I’m like, ‘Get off the horse, dude, it’s dead.’”

Now, Sixx has officially confirmed that after finishing their new album, a movie adaptation to to their autobiography, “The Dirt,” along with the soundtrack and a farewell tour, that the members of Motley Crue will be going their separate ways after over 30 years together.  What is the reason for this soul-crushing announcement? Sixx explains:

“It’s important that when you do a farewell tour that people understand that when you put a bullet in the back of the horse’s head, and it goes down, it’s not a plastic bullet it’s a f—ing shotgun blast. You know, blow its f—ing brains out, it’s never coming back. It has to [be that way]. It’s the only way I can look at myself in the mirror and do a farewell tour. That’s it. So when we take our final bow, it’s it. I will cry. I cry thinking about it. I’ve been in this band longer than I’ve known any woman, longer than I’ve known my children – only my family, and I have a closer relationship with my band than I have with my family, and a rockier relationship with my band than I’ve had with anybody in my family, as well.  I’ll leave you with this: when you go and see a great f—ing movie and it ends and you go, ‘F—!’ like, you walk out and you go, ‘That was amazing! That blew my mind!’ It’s not like, ‘That blew my mind and, um, maybe there’ll be a sequel to it.’”

Alright, fine, I guess I can understand that.  That doesn’t change the absolute devastation that just put a HUGE damper on my Friday.  I guess I’ll just have to look forward to the new Crue album, movie, and tour until the end.

In the meantime…